Ms.Maria Amor Bacharpa

Need to relax after juggling a long hour in your job?                                       

How do you spend it?   

Some people think that the best way to unwind is to stay up with friends in a drinking spree, if your a lady you spend your time on beautyshop, or going out for expensive dinner..There are lots of ways on how to threat your self and how to spend time with your self, but its the question of how effecient it is?I’m not saying that gratifying yourself is bad..but if you spend it always just because you need to unwind.. it may be bad, if it creates a another stress like hang over due to excessive drinking or financial stress due to over spending.  Some people doesnt like spending time aLone with themselves coz it creates boredome or sometimes they think it worsen there stress.But did you know that it its an avenue to realize something worthwhile in your life? What are you doing? Am I doing something productive or just a waste of my time? Hows my job and relationship?

Here are some effective ways to do  on how to spend time alone.

1. Going to your favorate comfort zone alone-it may be your favorate coffeeshop, your own room or on your favorate park..they key factor here is you need to spend it alone,be sure that its far from aquaintances or other distraction.

2.threat yourself- have some brewed coffee with you or have food that are something light like salads,desserts,tea or any light food trip you want.Feel the flavor of your food…chew well, feel the incorporation of flavors.

3.Feel how good life is-find a lot of good things that happened to you.I’m feeling ok today because of? Most people does’nt realize that theres a lot of good things that happen to us everyday compared to the bad things.We often notice the bad things because it hurts us,it creates an intense feelings.

You never get notice of the good things that happen to you because you experience that everyday,you are living it..it takes one problem to corrupt all those good things investment in you.How do i get notice it? think of how you eat everyday?think of how you breath everyday?who provided you with good music?think of the people who feel grateful to you?there are a lot of things…its endless.It maybe a simple things to you,but it made you.

we never realize that we attract those bad things that happened to us.If you expect things to happen in you, it really will happen either good or bad.Its what we called the law of attraction. Let us begin to think that we are blessed,you are unique and talented,you are successful and notice that a lot of positive things will happen to you.

4.Journalizing- writing on your diaries and reflection notebook is the best way to do if you want to have an effective reflection. A habit of reflection or self evaluation will help us in our emotional, intellectual and spiritual growth(the growth of our inner minds)

What you need to write in your journal:

the stricking things that happen to you this day? the good things that happen to you, the problems you encounter,what do you realize and finding some solutions.Its a good way to express yourself coz a piece of notebook is not judgemental and it provides you a free listening ear.

5.Have a good rest- if you encounter problems this days and you cant resolve it,just leave it behind and give yourself a good rest and find solution to your problem tomorrow. Stressful mind is very illogical in finding some solution, it will create biases because of your present condition.Our mind has the ability to find something comfortable for us to address our basic needs.We also need space to think.

I hope that this will help you on your spending time alone wisely with yourself.

I gotta go now.

maria amor(september 18,2009)

April 08, 2009- Just in the house today, its a long holiday since it is holy week. I felt a little pain even I accepted the fact that I cant open the heart of a man and read what is written on it. It’s about my present romance. I live in a speculations, and everything is not clear on us. Yah, my friend told me to just float out and just enjoy the moment that I have him. But i don’t want to be hurt. He never talk so much, and even in e-mail or sms he never sent too munch words. It seems that it is in a defensive mode. I have different views in communication. For me, talking and listening is the most important things that I can do to a person, to create a better relationship. We spend approximately 70% of our walking hours in speaking, listening, reading and writing. 33% is devoted to talking. This is very crucial to a relationship.

There are a lot of barriers in an effective communications and one is:

silent moment- Man and woman have different interpretation on this area. Men usually keep silent because strong emotions such as fear or anger are building up inside. A woman usually keep silence because she feel that somebody done something that is injustice to her which leads to frustrations and desperation.

Sometimes I really wanted him to talk much to me, but usually he done some small talks or factual conversation. He often told me how is my evening?..or how is my family? and I usually answered him casually based on his questions. It is really different now, on our first date he often talks too much but when I get to know him, I felt that he is very defensive and doesnt talk much.

I read a book that says that most of the man that are workaholic and career oriented they consider little in life but productivity to be of value. Their answer to all of life’s problem is action, not talking. a man usually under stress clam up, closed their gates and retreat themselves because that is their training since birth to keep tight control on their emotions.

I still have time to get to know him, you cant read between the lines if you will never tell him what you felt about him. I wrote something for him 2 days ago, it sound so emotional but it gives me more freedom to let go and go on with my life. We have different backgrounds and race but what is important is to understand each other and communicate properly to better understand each other. I already done my part, I did speak out it is up to him to communicate to me if he still want me in his life.

maria amor

April 4, 2009-I have an annoyingfeeling of insecurities lately,about my present love relationship..I am having thoughts about the common ground that I experienced with the past relationships. I’m counting on the effort that I exerted in one relationship, coz commonly I am the first one to make effort to a guy that I like much. But my efforts doesnt match with the past relationship, I was overwhelmed that I found somebody who noticed me and somehow get involved with my life.Quite overwhelming, but he is more matured compared to other guy in the past. He is quite challenging in the sense that I never slouch anymore inorder to meet the mind of the guy that I like, to level their thinking to the point of compromising my own beliefs and principles. He is more challenging. Im greatly challlenge to be better and successful woman for myself. I was thinking about my action lately toward him, I almost confront him about what i think about our relationship but as I have reflected I need to take it nice and easy as what my favorate jazz song quoted…”lets take it nice and easy, its gonna be to easy for us to fall in love, hey baby whats your worry, relaxed and dont you hurry were gonna fall in love….”hahahah.. I need to be mature, Being mature is thinking and behaving appropriately. yah, we have to admit that we have our own weaknesses, but managing your weaknesses is the best way to deal with it and  focusing yourself in honing your strength. Life is a game.

your total interpersonal relationship in your life is like a game. Why game? coz you have your own coach, that’s your guiding principles in life,your conscience that guides you or shall we say in christian way, a holy spirit that guide you. And you are the player, your life game depends on how you play with it and how you learn the game. Hey! first and foremost you have to identify what game you are playing before you start playing..heheheh. You should have your own VGM Vision,mission and goal. Ok, Now that you identify what game you are playing, you should learn how to be better in the game. I remember Kaycee focuses his eyes in watching his favorite soccer game. It’s a difficult game coz it requires a lot of physical activities and discipline.But lets illustrate this using our game of life.. based on wikihow.com to be a better soccer player, it will start with…

1. start a diet plan, to stay fit- A life game player should be discipline in taking care of his pysical well being. Our body is the temple of our holy spirit. Being physically fit provides you an energy to keep going with your plans ahead. Eat right, stop abusing your body with too much alcohol, cigar and some other unhealthy vices.Take care of your body.
2. Start to practice your ball skills any time you can, at home, at your friends, or in the mall- Practice makes perfect, you can interact with anybody. If you are aiming to be a businessman, start practising your skills by starting a small enterprenuership, selling your goods, ideas to your friends and tell them what do you need to improve, read more references, and ask or observe the experts.
3. Make sure you drink lots water during practice. this is really important- Water of knowledge and wisdom is required. Kaycee is mentioning to me about Intellegience is useless without knowledge, this two will go together. Water of knowledge and wisdom is required so that you will be guided in undergoing your game of life. It rehydrates you and refreses you. Some knowledge and wisdom from good friends, mentors and examples of successful people will be a sure way to refresh.
4. Stay focused on your position, don’t gag or forget what you are doing.If you know what you are doing, stay focus, it is like a laser light that has a focus light that cuts an object. If you are focus and consistent, difinitely you will succeed. Focus on what you want to do, don’t get distructed by other people(other players/the woah(booing sounds of people) Some people try to drag you down, they have loosers attitude ( a mentality of the crab), your emotions also drags you down(your pass experiences,a nd pre-conditioning will distracts you). Be aware of it!
5. Build a strong friendship with your team, you may meet some interesting people. Our group slogan is “making friends, building relationship and helping people.” You are not an island, everyday we connect to people. Establishing a good relationship to others will help you succeed. Notice that if your friend believes that you are a potential, and you have a good integrity they are the one who will refer you to other people. It has a phegmalion effect. It is contagious. People are the greatest resources.
6. Keep your eye on the ball, even if there’s a girl/boy ten times your size, keep running for the ball.- The ball signifies your responsibilities in life. Keep an eye on your responsibilities coz that is the main issues you have in life. Focus on the area or circle of your influence, and that is your responsbilities,and your responses toward the situation that arises in your life. Other people have nothing to do with your life, they will just distract or some tried to help you, but they are not your concern coz they have there own life.
7. Know the game, if you don’t know what a corner kick is, ask your coach, ref, or fellow teammate.- Knowledge is necessary. Read, learn from other people, and reflect on your life. Get a good example, ask and learn. Life is a never ending learning experience.
8. Keep your head up and give good outlet passes to your teammates. Teamwork is necessary, learn to connect with other people who can help you to become successful. Not just your friends and other associates.But the best teammate is God, Mark 9 quoted”God will help tho those men who help themselves.” God never say, I will give you bread to eat, just keep your head up and it will be delivered to you fresh from heaven via Fedx..heheheh. We should know God’s will.Work and he is the one who will provide the wisdom. He is your greatest teammate and coach.

Keep playing the game of life! Changes never happened over night, keep learning and be patient!

maria amor

April 2, 2009- I wake up in the morning feeling like I’m in the wrongside of the bed…Why I felt this way? what causes this distress? It’s on my mind again, it never existed but still i keep on worrying and thinking of this past and future?

I turned on my self meditation cd, It’s intitled changing your believe system..instead of playing some music I listen to the voice with positive talks on how to feel good about yourself. Those big shadows of worried overpower yourself, never realizing that it is just a shadow. I felt great later and i begin brewing my coffee and listen to it and pausing it over and over again so that i can grasp its point. I worry about future, I’m self employed now and I need to do something in order to earn, its not like employment that you will do what is assigned to you to do. Then I realized that I need to do something now…feeling of worthlessness is the result of undoing something. Here and now (present moment)is the only day you can do something about yourself, so better seized the day!

I spent time meditating on my bible about the wisdom from Genesis 1, human beings are commanded to be dominion over the earth Gen 1:26-28. I almost forget that God had given us an authority, its a great responsibility as the heir of kingdoms riches…yes! we are, God created us into His own image and blessed us..but because of pride and disobedience we refused to listen to Him.I’m all charged up! Those anxiety that I felt about the imaginary line of past and future is eliminated and i began focusing on what i can do this day. I need to run this small business and this is the best day to do it! I send an sms to my churchmate on how i valued and loved them, telling them that I’m ok with God. This is the time that i can express love, its like seizing the day without tomorrow, yah …But we cannot accomodate everything…what i mean is this is the day youcan do great things.

maria amor

March 23, 2009- Its almost midnight and I’m still in this computer updating and writing. I viewed some of my married friends in friendster and I tried questioning myself “why they are married and why I’m not?” It’s not just a question but It’s a pressing question…Shwww….(deep breath) I thought I found the man of my dream lately…Maybe I’m just overwhelmed to fing such qualities of a guy…but i don’t know about how he felt about me…but he is beyond the circle of my influence..he is beyond my control.

But it hasn’t happened — ????waiting….

Imagine how great the data is? its just america how much more if you try to sum up the worldwide census?

Sometimes, I’m trying to question myself of what is wrong with me? I’m I over pwering the man? Am I too much or too less? Sometimes you felt so defective and worthless.But many woman shared the same feelings. i have read some books and articles on counseling regarding this case.

.  Even if they try to appear confident and carefree on the outside, some hides a deep-seated feeling of isolation — of being left behind.

A single woman’s fears, insecurities and loneliness are magnified whenever a friend or relative gets married — and she still isn’t married.  Every time she sees a happily married couple, she is given the awful reminder that no man wants to marry her.  She worries she’ll never find Mr. Right, that she’ll never be married — or that she’s doomed to a lonely, unmarried life.  She even begins to wonder whether she should just settle for any man who comes around.
 

maria amor

March 18,2009- Its really amazing when you do things naturally, without any struggles at all. It cannot be achieve instantly but it requires hardwork and discipline. Ohhh, I’m sorry! I guess you didn’t get my point. I’m talking about the attitude that you want to possess in you either it is good or bad; but why we should choose to implant bad habits/attitudes injecting bad beliefs in us if it doesn’t benefit us? A good disposition in life will lead to a a genuine happiness in your life. Being good eliminates enemy, it guarantees peace.Good decision/choice will guarantee success. THe difference between acting badly or brilliantly is not base on ability but on the state of mind and body. Sometimes we tend to change our action without changing our state of mind. It means differing, preventing or controlling. It is a lot of effort. I will give you one classic example to better illustrate my point. ” I felt bad the other day coz my guy doesn’t call me, or even communicate(my statement)–I felt loveless, I felt hurt, my expectation is not met, I’m afraid to loose him, I felt hurt before.(my mixed emotions)–this will lead to worry and fear —then it will lead you to action, like calling him and nag, or isolation of yourself and so on. This is the basic emotions when stimulus happened to us, it depends on what preconditioning you have before, or your past experiences, it is called psycho automatic response. But what if you change your believe into new one? is it possible to change what is considered cultural? It is possible.What if you will enject this belief “i am special and unique, God loves me so much, I’m blessed…”its no way you will feel bad.. The bible  illustrated an example of turning points, changing belief like faith in Jesus Christ.The bible also sighted a warning on how to handle new beliefs in you..”you cannot put new wime to old wineskin coz it will burts (mark2)

It suggest that when you have your new beliefs, you should abandon those unhealthy beliefs that you have so that you will live anew life.

If you have good beliefs and good self image it will flow naturally. You can smile effortless, you can give love unconditionally and you can do things freely.

(this topic is really tough to explore, but i will be writing you again some of my thoughts next time about how to flow naturally.)

maria amor bacharpa

attitude that flows naturally like a falls.

March 6, 2009- It’s my birthday tomorrow but haven’t any plan for birthday treat. I will be 30 now in the next few minutes, while I’m writing this blog. My blog reader I’m happy to announce that I found somebody that is really very exciting,lovable and is very remarkable..I didn’t expect this person to be in my life. It’s amazing! Coz most of the expected person that comes in my life doesn’t love me in return. He is the greatest gift I receive in my birthday ever since…It’s been 9 years since I never have meet somebody like this. My first introduction seems so awkward since he is just recommended by a friend who asked me if I’m still single and available.My friend cant met him since she is married and the picture is a fake face, and one thing he can’t speak english well. It was not that serious at first to send him an sms and introduce myself. I never expected also that he is in Davao and it’s heart pumping since I never met this guy yet and we met last friday a week ago. We met and I am very much impress with his sincerity and wit. Well, he is handsome but it’s not the main thing…I am very much impress on how he relate to me his family, his views in life, his opinions and everything we have discussed is a mature talk. We talked for almost 4 hours in the coffeeshop and he invited me to his place and we have eat dinner with his friend.I was extended for another 3 hours in getting to know him. All I know is he is a good man and I want him to be my friend. I really wanted to see him again, but he send an sms saying “i hope to see you again”…I smiled and felt happy with that message, and he told me, “I thank God that we met”. I can’t stop thinking about him that night but I’m not expecting since It really felt painful when you expect…I have experienced that many times…It hurt so bad….

We met again on sunday in his place, I felt light to be with him…I don’t need to down the level of my thinking just like other male that I meet. I really like challenge, intellectual brainstorming….etc, something like that. He is so natural, kind-hearted, well balanced,warmth, and not boastful..I am really thankful to him that he doesn’t drive me away and never intimidated me..I can really trust him. I felt secure to be with him although we just met. I really wanted a guy whom can give me challenge and both can share wisdom and encouragement. It was enchanted that evening to be near him, I couldn’t sleep well not because he is around me, but I can’t sleep well coz I cant really imagine that It happened and this special person likes me too..I love to watch him sleeping and hope that this evening will not end. I couldn’t give wealth but I can give attention and love not unless he will drive me away or maybe some other things will happen or if he will stop loving me. I don’t know what the future brings but what I can say is maybe I have found him…and I will be praying for him I’m ready to get to know him and love him..I felt ready now to have this relationship, not like before….Most of the broke up case is not because of the other party, but it’s always me saying to my boyfriends, I’m not ready yet to have relationship with you, Anyway…My door is still open for you, let us be friends, lets get to know each other”…

my favorite song quotes—-

“love comes from the most unexpected places
in someone’s eyes you’ve never met
who wants to get to know you
in someone’s smile you can’t forget
and if the music plays on in your mind
take all the love that you can find”- barbara streisand

“Love moves in mysterious ways
It’s always so surprising
When love appears over the horizon
I’ll love you for the rest of my days
But still it’s a mystery
How you ever came to me
Which only proves
Love moves in mysterious ways”–Julia Fordham

maria amor bacharpa

February 14, 2009—Its valentines day and I have seen a people everywhere having there valentines date…its good to watch people celebrating love. Just this morning when my father arrived he gave my mother roses and kissed her. It is very sweet knowing that they are old and they still love each other. My mother and my father is really my ideal bases when it comes to a good relationship. They aren’t perfect but despite of hardship  racing seven children they still manage to race strong- willed children. My parents doesn’t have enough money to send us to studies or even food sometimes but the only thing that they have given to us is the ability to aim high and dream, and to have that great courage to face life. They have loved us so much,that is the most important things, and they treated us equally. They have flaws but those flaws help us a lot to become strong and better.

I have a very loving and communicative family, me and my other siblings are very close friends and never hides secrecy and hatred. We have learned to communicate openly. I really appreciate our coffee bonding early morning where everybody talks about what happened the last day and injected some jokes on it and we start laughing. I lost my sister Margareth last year but we considered her a gift. God had given her to us so that we will be strong. She is gone now but I can’t forget her love to us. She never failed to greet us every morning, sometimes she tickled my toe and hug me on bed. Ohhh…we missed her, but after that one year of miserable experience we realized that there is greater thing to do in life. She is gone for good…Its like she is having a vacation here and she now came home and soon we will see her after our life here on earth. What is important in living in this earth is how you radiate love to other people and how you love yourself so that you can give love freely. The more you receive love the more you give because you cant give if you don’t have spare or the love is just enough. As I reflected on my life, I have seen a lot of love on it.. My family loves me so much, I able to accept myself and love it, my friends loves me so much and the greatest is my Jesus loves me so much. I’m still single now, I never stopped loving those people whom very special to me…It is ok even they can’t give back my love, what is important is “what can I give to them”. One day I will find my one true love, I felt lonely sometimes seeing my friends getting married, but I have learned that I can’t hurry love..and when God gave me the one true love it is always the best…I never limit myself in knowing people but true love waits, God’s choice is always the best choice. I been praying for partners qualities and I have faith that God will provide me in his best time.

—-My plan for this valentines evening is to go out with my cousins and sister..Good day!

 Margareth is my sister and we are in pain this moment that she suffered from M.S.unfortunately…hear her story…

Struggling against Multiple Sclerosis.

(The Margareth Bacharpa life story)

Margareth Bacharpa.–At 22, She is a Community development working student of University of South-Eastern Philippines(USEP) Davao City, and she is a budding artist. Margie’s vision is to help a lot of people by means of her passion and experiences in social services for five(5) years working actively and dynamically with the Non Government Institutions like Kabataan, METSA, and MISFI in charge in trainings,operations, facilitation and other mission exposures in the communities. Last October 2007, she was accepted as a full-time worker in the community and she was preparing for her mission assignment at Marilog District. She managed a month of training and preparation for her assignment. She began to notice that her jaw is locking and she felt numbness on her right body parts.. Her eyes wouldn’t focus and she experienced double visioned. The incident led to a trip to the nearby hospitals, but other hospitals refuses to have her confined since they suspected that she have acute Titanus. Finally, only San Pedro hospital is the available hospital that time to accept her case.

That hospital visit was the beginning of a medical ordeal,she blamed the fatigue coupled with a stressful job, for the forgetfulness, headaches and weariness she was experiencing. But, after spending a week in the hospital following her bout of double vision and dizziness, she realized it was much more. Through an MRI that was sponsored by PCSO, the doctors discovered that part of the myelin sheath surrounding the nerve tissue in the pons area of Margie’s brain was gone. The pons portion of the brain is the middle of the brain stem. Without the myelin, Margie’s body was having difficulty receiving the signals her brain was sending, resulting in loss of muscle coordination, strength, vision, balance and cognition. Months had passed and she lost her strength to stand up on her own, and she was collapsed into the floor and realized that she couldn’t stand anymore. She was confined into her mother’s wheelchair and lately Margie is now into coma . He family belongs to the lower class. Her mother suffered from paralysis due to hypertension that had happened the previous year 2006. Her father is also sickly and just recovered from Psoriasis skin disease last 2005. The family wasn’t yet able to regain strength since siblings are still studying by there own means and others just started with there careers. The family cannot afford to carry her often to the hospital every month since it is very costly to transport her and pay for doctors bill and medication. She just only taken some recommended vitamins and medication to improve her case, but it is considered inadequate. She received nursing care from her family at home, but unfortunately there is no enough knowledge on how to care a bed ridden MS patient. Now she suffered from a severe stage-4 Pressure ulcer (“bed sore”), a lesion or deep wounds that was caused by heat due to a prolonged confinement on bed or wheel chair, associated with a weeks of high fever and sleeplessness. Her M.S was triggered and caused her to have difficulty on breathing and her muscles to stiff. She wanted to fight her condition but finally told her family that she couldn’t handle herself anymore and she must be carried to the nearby public hospital.

Margie told us, that “I have awareness of what was going on. I couldn’t respond to anything, But, I could tell when people were talking. I could feel when they gave me a bath but can’t feel the pain even the sore on my body.. I didn’t understand what was going on, but I knew things were happening around me, why are they crying? why they are so sad? It was like being locked in glass. I just felt devastated to find out that I was the one who received nursing care rather than finding myself serving other people. I don’t want to die on bed doing nothing but I wanted to die serving other people in the community. I am dreaming to get back my feet on the ground and share my experience to other people.”

She believed in God and cast all her burdens to Him and let God take control of her life. She and her family still hope for miracle but accept the will of God. Whatever happens to her has a purpose and reason and it serve her life.

The family is praying for somebody who can share there blessings on helping Margie on her condition.

Euro café Davao City (12:00 noon/07/08/08) I was chill’n out at my favorite restaurant alone sipping my favorite brewed coffee and nibbling some chocolate rum-ball. I felt execrable this day and I can’t identify the root cause of this perturbing feelings. Yahh! Sometimes we have to admit that our emotions are not constant, which depicts upon what we felt that triggers them. Sometimes I can’t help but to worry about uncertainties in my life, about my job, family and everything. When you are unaware of your thinking, it will result to drowning into the deep sea of worries. Awareness should be a constant practice that will later form into habits. Some people don’t know what to do when they undergo troubles in their lives due to lack of self-realization and self study. Self-study is a very literal term, but I just use this to remind me of the vast term self-awareness and self-evaluation or reflection. Self-Study is a vast term that involves awareness of what is good and evil, being aware of your limitations, tendencies that will lead to evaluation, study and changing of your paradigm that will lead to a self-fulfilling experience.

Life is simple when you think plainly and interpret plainly without judgment. Life is pressured- free when you let go of the things that happen and allow life to flow naturally. We have different experiences and this will pass-by into our lives, but it matters on how we give meaning into it. Everything doesn’t have definite meaning until we put meaning into it! What is your definition or meaning on what happened to you now? Does it give you a good meaning or the bad one? That is the importance of self-reflection, to filter our thoughts and extract what is imperative. We can’t filter the good thoughts if our filter is full of algae of negative beliefs. Replacing your filter into a clean and guiltless thought is the most crucial things to do. We have to be receptive with the new proven ideas in replacement with your old thoughts or new beliefs that are inclined to spirituality and which will bring good influence. We have to choose those beliefs that will bring peace, love, and happiness.—maria amor bacharpa